If you have a narcissistic boss, you’re in one of three phases:
Phase One: “This is the most (fill in the blank: exciting, lucrative, creative) job I’ve ever had!”
Phase Two: “There is something up with my boss, but I can’t put my finger on it…”
Phase Three: “My boss is awful and has been since the beginning, how on earth did I miss that?”
Like every other realm of interaction with narcissists, working for individuals with these traits takes a toll on your professional life, overall happiness, and health. Unfortunately, there is a high probability you’ll encounter this personality profile in the business world because narcissists often rise to positions of power. Let’s look at a few reasons why that is the case:
Narcissism in leadership is characterized by three specific traits – Authority/Power, Grandiosity, and Entitlement (Choi & Phan, 2022).
Power is the central theme in across all narcissistic relationships. Narcissists are intent on holding control, and to attain a comfortable level of power they are equipped to achieve positions that meet that need due to high levels of extraversion and self-confidence. This is interpreted by those around them as enthusiasm and persuasion, giving them the ability to influence others.
Grandiosity involves a belief that one is more intelligent, popular, attractive, and creative compared to others. This inflated sense of self is exhibited through vanity, desire for attention, ostentatious displays of perceived superiority, and creating self-enhancing systems.
Entitlement is a belief that one deserves more than others. Because they view themselves as unique and deserving, they “expect to be catered and pandered to and are puzzled or furious when this doesn’t happen (Choi & Phan, 2022).” They are willing to manipulate others to get this treatment because they believe the end (getting what they want) justifies the means (exploiting others).
How this plays out in the real world:
Narcissists are initially attractive for leadership roles; they tend to present as charismatic, inspiring, innovative, and persuasive which makes them appealing as CEOs, politicians, attorneys, salesmen, police officers, academics, healthcare professionals, and entertainers/athletes. The appeal is mutual. Narcissists seek positions of power and prestige to feed their internal needs, and they quickly rise due to their personality traits.
Some of the initial gleam begins to fade quickly upon the narcissist achieving the position of power. Those around them tend to notice the leader’s lack of empathy, insensitivity, and tendency to treat others as expendable. What once seemed like a collaborative relationship quickly shifts to the narcissist externalizing blame for failures and taking undue credit for successes. They begin to push collaborators away, in fact, narcissistic leaders tend to demonstrate very low levels of collaboration and integrity and their behavior influences their organizational cultures as a whole, leading to lower levels of collaboration and integrity throughout all employees (O’Reilly, Chatham & Doerr, 2021). Often, there are still organizational benefits from the narcissist’s leadership, for example this type of leader is more willing to cross ethical boundaries and take risks which can have short-term pay offs. They tend to be most successful in careers that involve relationships of short duration/low investment and where those around them have less opportunity to observe their behavior and make judgments about their character over time.
Inevitably, people within the organization learn to distrust the narcissistic leader. The leader tends to display hostility to criticism, and they are hypersensitive to any type of authentic feedback. To avoid negative feelings that arise, the narcissist tends to ignore people who express ideas that contradict their own and create a culture where people are afraid to confront them. “Narcissistic leaders in positions of power are especially resistant to influence because they surround themselves with people who are strongly loyal to them (e.g. family) and employees who always agree with them (Choi & Phan, 2022).” In essence, they surround themselves with an echo chamber to drown out and/or expel people who begin to pose a threat to the narcissist’s ego.
If you find yourself in a professional relationship with a narcissist, you might be feeling at a loss. Here are some steps you can take to help protect yourself from the many negative impacts that relationship can have on your life:
1.) Be proactive. If you see these traits in advance, do not assume it will get better with time, the opposite is actually true. However, it is quite common to miss narcissism for what it is and you may be feeling stuck in that relationship. You can still be proactive by protecting yourself through business agreements/contracts, not oversharing your personal information that can be used to manipulate you in the future, and educate yourself about this personality style.
2.) Act, don’t react. Narcissists will try to get a rise out of you. It is important that you set internal boundaries. A narcissist will see your boundaries as a challenge if you share them, but you can create a framework of what is right for you personally and professionally and make decisions accordingly.
3.) Document, document, document. In every type of narcissistic relationship, my number one piece of advice is to document. Remember that the narcissist is going to make decisions that meet their emotional need at any given moment. This can be confusing because you will have intermittent interactions with them where you feel you’re on the same page or have worked out an issue, but remember narcissists feel facts are debatable. Create notes, send follow up emails, draft voice memos, add items to meeting logs.
4.) Fill your cup. Prolonged exposure to narcissistic personalities can be draining and zap motivation. Find a provider who is well-versed in traits of narcissism who can support you through the process. Outline how you want to spend your emotional energy and put safeguards in place to protect yourself. If work is a particular stress, allow yourself to find joy in your personal world or hobbies, or diversify your professional goals to limit the interaction with the narcissist. Give yourself permission to disengage when interactions are no longer productive.
Comments